My name is Demitri Mitchell, and I'm a vampire. I also happen to be addicted to blood, and have a history of being addicted to amphetamines as well as most mainline narcotics (it was the 80's.) Some people would say that I have a sex-addiction, but I think all those years of casual sex and prostitution was just a means to feed my ravenous hunger for blood; it's the chicken or the egg, to be honest. I want to tell you all about my journey; it's a story of love, of self-expression, romance, desire, and my quest to avoid it all. This is the tale of how I was a brooding teenage vampire. (Goodreads)
Title: I Was a Brooding Teenage Vampire
Author: Ronnell D. Porter
Genre: Urban Fantasy, YA, Vampire
Published: June 26th 2011
Format: Kindle Edition
File Size: 65 KB
Source: Self Purchase
I do love a funny short story and that is what I Was a Brooding Teenage Vampire is. It pokes fun at the now sensitive, sparkling vampires of today. Demitri is old school. He actually loves blood and “gasp” sex. But Demitri has grown bored with the normal girl he gets involved with, so he goes in search of something different. I have to be honest who he found annoyed me to no end. Alina is the “Bella Swan” of this book, but I actually like Bella. I was just waiting patiently for something horrible to happen to Alina. I did however really like Alina’s Ex if you read the book you will see why…total hilarity.
Two other things I just couldn’t wrap my head around in this story is 1) Demitri is living in the present day and leaves a trail of bodies and fire in his path everywhere he goes. Um, would that not start to catch up to him at some point. 2) Demitri is 70 you would think he would learn to pay better attention to the world around him. Don’t get me wrong I thought it was funny when one of his classmates was like (I’m paraphrasing here) “I love you. I know you’re a vampire. I read Stephenie Meyer and Richelle Mead” and Demitri is all “really I'm that easy to spot.” Yeah as a vampire would he not know how to better disguise himself?
Overall this was a light and fun read and just what I needed in between novels. Best of all it was free on Amazon when I got it. Anyone looking for a light read? Then I Was a Brooding Teenage Vampire is worth a try.
3 moons: I liked it.
Older teens and up: For nongraphic sex scenes, bloody violence, and language.